So one of the issues with my husband has been that I often get defensive in high stakes conversations. It’s a bad habit I picked up in my family growing up…my Mom’s default reaction with my Dad. I am easily triggered and then my reptilian brain takes over…aargh!
Not long ago, I had a dream that was unlike any other dream I have ever had. In my dream, I react defensively to something my husband said, and my stomach feels like it is tied in knots. An unidentified voice tells me,
“You have nothing to fear, Kali. Your nature is to be curious. Whenever you begin to feel anxious or afraid, remember that and decide to be curious instead. That is your true nature, a childlike curiosity and love.
I know your feelings are painful at times. But when you are able to experience a lifetime of those feelings simultaneously at the end of your life, the result will be a symphony of love the likes of which you could never imagine now…unimaginable joy.”
I felt totally peaceful and then I woke up.
Wow! I got up and wrote it down, word for word. And couldn’t stop thinking about it….
And the crazy thing…I feel like I have changed! It hasn’t been very long, but I have been reacting very differently with my husband, and he has definitely noticed. So far there seems to be kind of a virtuous cycle operating – I’m calm and curious instead of defensive, and he becomes more affectionate and demonstrative, and then I feel safe and loved and then I’m calm and curious instead of defensive, and he becomes more affectionate and demonstrative, and on it goes.
Life can be unexpected and amazing sometimes!
Peace and love,